To Share or Not to Share?

Hey mamas! We have another wonderful reader-submitted story today! We are beyond excited when we get a ping from a reader who has their very own story to share because that’s what this is all about – motherhood unites us, and the more we hear from you, the more we can share voices from all stages of motherhood. Keep sending us your stories, we love them and we love you!

I am newly pregnant. It’s so new that there are only two other people who know:

  1. My husband who was relieved when I told him the news. We had been trying to make it happen for months and we were both getting a little worried. The reaction was: “Oh thank goodness! Finally!”
  2. Our three-year-old son who insists that we are having two babies and their names are Garlic and Lemon Juice. If he’s right and it turns out to be twins I will be more than a little freaked out!

That’s it! Only the people living in my home know the secret. Which makes me think: should it really be a secret? Women are expected to keep their first trimester hidden, then make some witty and adorable announcement at 12 or 14 weeks. That’s a long time to wait when you’ve got life changing news!

Why are couples expected to keep the secret during these early stages of pregnancy? Why does the first trimester need to be so isolating? I keep thinking and feeling that I should tell people, not the whole world, but family and close friends. I’m excited to share this big news, but I’m also nervous. I know that tragedy can strike anyone. I know that my tiny sesame seed may not make it to the size of a peach, or even the size of a blueberry. Then I would be faced with the challenge of telling people that there’s no baby anymore.

So, I weigh the pros and cons constantly, share the news or wait until that magical 12-week point? I see the advantages of letting a few special people in on my secret. Telling someone is like asking them to join your team, you’re building a support system for yourself. You’ll have people to call when you’ve thrown up 27 times and need advice on how to survive these tough first weeks. You have people who will listen when you have a thousand questions. It would be so helpful to talk to other Mama’s right from the start, even if they don’t have the answers either.

Then, of course, there’s the chance that you’ll need your team to lift you up if something goes terribly wrong. I’m sadly forced to think about what I’ll want if I lose this pregnancy. Would I want my team to rush to my side or would I want to process it alone on my own time? It’s impossible to know. This question is the reason many pregnant women wait until the second trimester to reveal the news and I understand that. They’re protecting themselves during a vulnerable time. There’s also a lot of pressure to keep the secret just because it’s the social norm. Will I be harshly judged for spilling the beans before I was supposed to? Will people be surprised and worried if I tell them so early? Will they question why I told them? Or will they be thrilled I chose them, and share in my joy?

Maybe rules are meant to be broken? Maybe there are no rules? Maybe we need to make our own rules? We each decide for ourselves and I still haven’t decided for myself. If you are in my position and you’re growing a little lentil, I urge you to do whatever you think is right. It can be a confusing time so do whatever you need to feel happy, confident, and secure. If you feel you need the support, go ahead and choose your team, tell them the news. If you feel you need time to sort out your thoughts, then take that time. Whether you share your baby news at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, or 20 weeks, there is no wrong time, except maybe at your cousin’s wedding, that’s the wrong time (Never steal a bride’s spotlight).

You Got This,