Of course, nothing truly prepares you for motherhood. But, just like Molly pointed out in, “What?! No Manual?!” previous training in any of the following will come in handy for your never-ending, never-organized bag of
snacks, er, tricks.
Event Planner/PR: Channeling Franck Eggelhoffer here! Ok, you don’t need to be as over the top as dear Franck, but his attention to detail and unexpected pizazz certainly pay off big when it comes to mommy life. When planning any “event” for your kids, the devil is in the detail, because I swear it’s always the time I don’t bring the extra set of underwear that I’m really gonna need it. So, make sure you got all the things – the water bottles, diapers, wipes, extra clothes, snacks, special toy, etc. Then, once you get your bag on lockdown, it’s on to the sparkle, the fun, the “wow” factor. This is when good PR really comes in handy. Think of something that might be boring for your kid; for example, “We’re going to Costco and then we need to get gas.” But instead, add some PR spin, “Guess what?! We’re going to Costco today! You get to ride in the jumbo cart, we’re gonna eat ALL the free samples, and then, wait for it…we’re gonna eat hot dogs and drink lemonade on a picnic bench inside. Say whaaa?!” Boom. You just turned an errand into an epic event.
Stand-up comic: Whether you’re more Amy Schumer or Chris Farley, the ability to improvise is essential to parenthood. Thinking on your feet, making a fool of yourself, and finding the humor in the most mundane will get you, your partner, and your kiddos through some bleak times. Physical comedy is big with kids, so if you find yourself balancing toys on your head and then sneezing them off, you’re on to something. Did you trip over your toddler while carrying the groceries inside, rip the bag and watch the contents of a gallon of milk swim down the driveway? Nice one. Did you also yell expletive language that your toddler now repeats in front of random strangers at the bank? Excellent. Keep up the good work. You’re audience LOVES you!
Nurse: Parenthood is not the time to be squeamish, especially when it comes to bodily fluids. From leaking breast milk to snot and poop of all shades, kids really know how to test your puke limit. Nurses deal with this kinda thing all day, not to mention they keep you company, administer drugs, and keep you breathing. Think of your child as a patient in a hospital. How many times a day does your kid ring that goddamn call button?
Buzz – I need more chocolate milk.
Buzz – Umm, do you know where the Vegimals are?
Buzz – Ok, ok, I’m a cheetah and you’re an anaconda. Chase me.
Buzz – I need to poo-poo!
Buzz – Are you sure you don’t know where the Vegimals are?
Buzz – Waaaaahhh!!!! He hit me!
Nurses are unsung heroes, kinda like you, mama.
What did you do in a previous life? We’re you a teacher? A lawyer? An athlete? A badass motorcycle rider? Whatever you did before kids, remember to draw on those experiences and unleash the powers you may have tucked away, but have never lost. Embrace your skills, whether learned or innate, and use them to your mommying advantage.
You Got This.